Let's start with BYOC..
1. Are you a heavy or light sleeper?
Both, if that makes sense? I am a fairly light sleeper out of my comfort zone (not at home, or if someone is there who I am not used to). In my comfort zone, I would be able to sleep through a nuclear attack, I'm pretty sure. One thing is for sure...I loves me my sleep. (In fact, I am blogging later than I planned to because I took one look at my bed and decided a nap was in order!)
2. If you were made into a professor for a day, what topic would you lecture on?
Hmm, this is a good one! Maybe etiquette! Living in NYC, it blows my mind how many people are out there who are just plain rude. (Maybe stupid, but definitely at least rude).
3. What’s a skill you’ve always wanted that you don’t currently have?
I would LOVE to have some sort of creative skill. I am not creative at all...I'm good at taking other people's ideas and making them happen, but not at coming up with the idea itself. Which means anything creative leaves me kind of out.
4. Have you ever been in a real cat fight?
When I was young (5 or 6), I would get into raging battles with one of the neighbor kids, and I am pretty sure I tried to strangle her once...oops. I'm also the youngest of 3 kids, so I definitely got into my share of scraps at home. Outside of that, I've never gotten into a physical fight with another woman...I did have a guy best friend as a teenager who I would physically fight with all of the time...like brawl for hours. I think it may have been misplaced hormones (well, I knew where mine were, anyway..)
Like Read, people tend to be intimidated by me....probably both due to my size, and my "I don't take any shit" attitude...so I guess it just doesn't tend to escalate to physicality. I'm pretty sure I could hold my own if it came down to it ;-)
5. Repeat question: Summarize your week in real life and in blog land.
In real life...I started my new job this week, which was exciting. If for no other reason than it got me back into a routine. I haven't been able to spend as much time with my mom as I would like, but I've been talking to her every day. She's going back to work next week, which I think will be very difficult at first but again, will provide a distraction.
In blog land...I didn't have much time to read blogs because I didn't have a computer at work for a few days, and my home internet is out (I'm currently stealing someone's WiFi...shh!). I did finally get back online today, and was able to catch up!
In weight news...I weighed in last week at 235.4 (up .4 from the previous week), and this week at 234.4. Since I am back at work, I am getting back into my vitamin routine (I take a chewable multi-V, 800iu of calcium, 5200iu of Vitamin D, 5000mcg of Biotin, and a sub-lingual B-12), and my water routine. I am also planning to start going back to the gym at work, I mentioned it to my new boss and he was really supportive of the idea. They have classes, so I am going to try a Zumba class and see how I do....and I also researched some places for Zumba near my apartment. I'm going to start slow, since there are no classes next week, so if I can get there 2x, and just walk on the treadmill, I'll take it as a win.
There's been a lot of discussion about exercise on the blogs recently...I specifically decided to not go too crazy with exercise in the first few months of this journey. I have a tendency to throw myself into things too quickly, and then get overwhelmed and stop doing everything. I think I have the eating side of it down (well, what works for me, anyway)...so now I'm ready to start incorporating the other side. Plus, I'm really jealous of everyone else's fitness!!!
My Progress So Far!
Saturday, February 26, 2011
Friday, February 25, 2011
I am gonna blog tonight!
I just thought I should warn you....I was able to get caught up on blogs today (didn't have much time to read this week with the new job and all), so some of you may notice a comment storm :)
I'm so excited to BYOC...and tell you about my week...and about my weight (well, not excited for that, but not unexcited, it just is).
But for now, I must get off my ass and do my laundry. Le sigh. I shall be back!
I'm so excited to BYOC...and tell you about my week...and about my weight (well, not excited for that, but not unexcited, it just is).
But for now, I must get off my ass and do my laundry. Le sigh. I shall be back!
Tuesday, February 15, 2011
Thank You
Thank you to everyone who commented on my last post, or sent me private messages. I think I am still operating in some sort of robotic state - none of this feels real, but some part of me knows that it is. I think having so much time beforehand helped immensely...I am comforted by the fact that he knew unequivocally how much he was loved. We are coping, all in our own ways, and it feels strange to be going on with life. Knowing my father though, he would want us to do so, and celebrate him, rather than mourn him (too much).
I did get good news on the day of his wake (I can only think there was some sort of intervention from above..), that I had been selected for the job that I wanted. I accepted the offer, and start on Tuesday. It will be a good distraction.
My weight has been dropping, since I've been very tight from the stress to either be very hungry, or eat very much when I do get hungry. I weighed in on Thursday at 235...sad to reach a milestone because of this... I did see Dr. K today, and requested no fill this visit, since I am plenty tight, and she was satisfied with my rate. We'll re-visit my fill level next month.
Other than that, life has revolved around spending time with my mother, sister and brother, and dealing with all of the rites and rituals that follow death. The amount of people who came to pay their respects to my father was astounding, and reinforced how well-loved he was. I've been going back and forth between my apartment and my parents' house, but that will have to stop next week when I start the new job (I can't do the commute as often).
Thanks again to all...
I did get good news on the day of his wake (I can only think there was some sort of intervention from above..), that I had been selected for the job that I wanted. I accepted the offer, and start on Tuesday. It will be a good distraction.
My weight has been dropping, since I've been very tight from the stress to either be very hungry, or eat very much when I do get hungry. I weighed in on Thursday at 235...sad to reach a milestone because of this... I did see Dr. K today, and requested no fill this visit, since I am plenty tight, and she was satisfied with my rate. We'll re-visit my fill level next month.
Other than that, life has revolved around spending time with my mother, sister and brother, and dealing with all of the rites and rituals that follow death. The amount of people who came to pay their respects to my father was astounding, and reinforced how well-loved he was. I've been going back and forth between my apartment and my parents' house, but that will have to stop next week when I start the new job (I can't do the commute as often).
Thanks again to all...
Wednesday, February 9, 2011
RIP Daddy
My father passed away this morning, peacefully and quickly. My mother and I were with him, telling him how much we loved him and holding his hands. I am devastated, but am relieved that he is no longer suffering. He endured more in the last year and a half than 5 people should have to endure together.
I know I am not the most prolific of bloggers, and have been bad with commenting lately due to the amount of time I have spent at the hospital, but it would mean so much if you could keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.
I know I am not the most prolific of bloggers, and have been bad with commenting lately due to the amount of time I have spent at the hospital, but it would mean so much if you could keep my family in your thoughts and prayers.
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
Sad Days
Warning: this is long, rambly and depressing. I just want to get some of these feelings down on "paper" so to speak, so I can get them out a little bit.
I am writing this from my parents' house, where I am spending the night....and will probably be spending a lot more time for the indefinite future. We got some sad news from the doctors the other day, that my father will most likely not be coming home from the hospital. He is just too weak, and needs too much care for us to be able to handle it on our own, and hospice doesn't provide enough hours to handle it either (insurance covers 20 hours a week, and we can't afford to pay privately). He was re-admitted last night, after a hellish 27 hours in the ER (don't get me started on THAT), because his pneumonia had flared up again. He was only discharged on Saturday, and by Sunday we were back at the hospital. It's obvious to my mother, sister and I now that he should never have been discharged, but we can't dwell on that.
No one has mentioned time frames related to prognosis to us yet, but several doctors/PAs/social workers have come to talk to us about next steps. Basically, we had to make a decision as to whether or not my father wanted to be resuscitated in case his heart stops. The answer was no, so he signed a DNR. That threw us all for a loop, we had no idea we were at that point yet. Then the social worker came to discuss his options for discharge, since it became clear that going home wasn't going to be an option. We decided on a local hospital that is well known for providing end of life care, specializing in cancer care. They're very compassionate, are well versed in dealing with cancer, so all of his medical needs will be met, they have no visiting hours, so we can go any time we want, and my mother can stay over if she wants to. He'll be in a private room , that we are welcome to add homey touches like pictures, etc to, and they really want to make sure that the family is able to spend as much time with the patient as pssible, instead of worrying about care-taking. Since it's a hospital, it'll also be covered under his health insurance, so we don't have to worry about mounting debt either.
There have been a lot of tears the last few days, so much so that my entire face feels like it's burning from the salt. I seem to have gotten it a bit more under control, and only had a few breakdowns yesterday as opposed to God knows how many yesterday. We've made an appointment with a lawyer to get the estate issues in order (it's fairly simple, since my parents are still married, but we do need to have it down on paper so there are no legal issues). We've also decided that my mother will do her will at the same time so we don't have to do this again. My mother has started compiling paperwork (insurance policies, titles to the cars and house) and my father has told her where he wants to be buried. It's all very depressing, and frankly should have been done a long time ago, but my parents are fairly young (Mom is 55, Dad is 58) so they weren't thinking of this just yet.
I've been having guilt over the fact that I haven't been at the hospital every day, because I am juggling working at the club, trying to find a new position, and living in a different borough with no car. The social worker tried to assuage those feelings yesterday, telling me that no matter what happens, life still goes on, and I need to not sabotage my life because of what's happening here. I feel a bit better but it is still weighing on my heavily. I've also been feeling a bit sorry for myself, thinking about things like who will walk me down the aisle when I get married....about how my father will never get to hold one of my children in his arms...he will never get to see me healthy and happy in my own skin...
If you've read this far, sorry to be such a downer. I've been bottling a lot of this up, and while I've started to reach out to friends who are offering support, I also wanted to put it into words.
In order to relate this to the band, as a result of the stress, my band is super super tight...not that I've felt like eating much. Today I had a few bagel chips with cream cheese for "breakfast" (since I am not working, I sleep late, and don't eat for a few hours once I get up), 2 teeny tiny slices of flatbread pizza, some cheese and crackers, and a rice pudding. That was it for the day. Yesterday was about 8 potato chips and a meatloaf muffin with gravy. I know I need to get some more protein in, and definitely need more water. If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to the rest of the family, when we all need each other.
I am writing this from my parents' house, where I am spending the night....and will probably be spending a lot more time for the indefinite future. We got some sad news from the doctors the other day, that my father will most likely not be coming home from the hospital. He is just too weak, and needs too much care for us to be able to handle it on our own, and hospice doesn't provide enough hours to handle it either (insurance covers 20 hours a week, and we can't afford to pay privately). He was re-admitted last night, after a hellish 27 hours in the ER (don't get me started on THAT), because his pneumonia had flared up again. He was only discharged on Saturday, and by Sunday we were back at the hospital. It's obvious to my mother, sister and I now that he should never have been discharged, but we can't dwell on that.
No one has mentioned time frames related to prognosis to us yet, but several doctors/PAs/social workers have come to talk to us about next steps. Basically, we had to make a decision as to whether or not my father wanted to be resuscitated in case his heart stops. The answer was no, so he signed a DNR. That threw us all for a loop, we had no idea we were at that point yet. Then the social worker came to discuss his options for discharge, since it became clear that going home wasn't going to be an option. We decided on a local hospital that is well known for providing end of life care, specializing in cancer care. They're very compassionate, are well versed in dealing with cancer, so all of his medical needs will be met, they have no visiting hours, so we can go any time we want, and my mother can stay over if she wants to. He'll be in a private room , that we are welcome to add homey touches like pictures, etc to, and they really want to make sure that the family is able to spend as much time with the patient as pssible, instead of worrying about care-taking. Since it's a hospital, it'll also be covered under his health insurance, so we don't have to worry about mounting debt either.
There have been a lot of tears the last few days, so much so that my entire face feels like it's burning from the salt. I seem to have gotten it a bit more under control, and only had a few breakdowns yesterday as opposed to God knows how many yesterday. We've made an appointment with a lawyer to get the estate issues in order (it's fairly simple, since my parents are still married, but we do need to have it down on paper so there are no legal issues). We've also decided that my mother will do her will at the same time so we don't have to do this again. My mother has started compiling paperwork (insurance policies, titles to the cars and house) and my father has told her where he wants to be buried. It's all very depressing, and frankly should have been done a long time ago, but my parents are fairly young (Mom is 55, Dad is 58) so they weren't thinking of this just yet.
I've been having guilt over the fact that I haven't been at the hospital every day, because I am juggling working at the club, trying to find a new position, and living in a different borough with no car. The social worker tried to assuage those feelings yesterday, telling me that no matter what happens, life still goes on, and I need to not sabotage my life because of what's happening here. I feel a bit better but it is still weighing on my heavily. I've also been feeling a bit sorry for myself, thinking about things like who will walk me down the aisle when I get married....about how my father will never get to hold one of my children in his arms...he will never get to see me healthy and happy in my own skin...
If you've read this far, sorry to be such a downer. I've been bottling a lot of this up, and while I've started to reach out to friends who are offering support, I also wanted to put it into words.
In order to relate this to the band, as a result of the stress, my band is super super tight...not that I've felt like eating much. Today I had a few bagel chips with cream cheese for "breakfast" (since I am not working, I sleep late, and don't eat for a few hours once I get up), 2 teeny tiny slices of flatbread pizza, some cheese and crackers, and a rice pudding. That was it for the day. Yesterday was about 8 potato chips and a meatloaf muffin with gravy. I know I need to get some more protein in, and definitely need more water. If I don't take care of myself, I won't be any good to the rest of the family, when we all need each other.
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