238.6....really?!

I didn't blog last week about my weekly weigh in because it was so damn depressing. 237.2 this week, and somehow this week, up to 238.6!!! Wtf! My eating has been all over the place. I know I can eat too too much, but I am trying to be mindful of what/how much. That is clearly not working. Thank God I get a fill tomorrow. This whole "scale going in the WRONG damn direction" thing is not working for me, at all. I also decided for real to do the pouch test after this fill....I wanted to do it last time and my social life got in the way *rolls eyes* I was supposed to go out on Sunday night but have decided to skip to do the right thing for my weight loss. (The right thing for my budget as well, I suppose).

I did make a date for next Tuesday with a friend to finally go to the Bikram studio I bought a 1 month pass for a few weeks ago. I am absolutely terrified. Scared out of my mind. She has assured me that it won't be nearly as bad as I am expecting. I don't believe her.

Other than that...life is just chugging along. Day job is going well, and keeping me busy. Night job has been busy, and I've been working a lot (probably too much). That might be contributing to my weird eating habits...I maintain a strange schedule at best. At worst, it's positively f'ed. I think...*gulp*...it might be time to start journaling. Crap.

Final Spring Challenge Weight =

239!!!!! I think I am going to skip the next few challenges...of the 2 I have participated in, I've either lost very little or GAINED. Ugh. (Not blaming the challenges...I just work late on Sat night and it's hard to stop drinking water early in the night, and not have a snack when I get home). Like I said in my last post...I am seriously stuck, and not in the bandster sort of way. Maybe if there's a challenge with a Monday morning weigh in...Sundays are just not good for me.

I finally bought the Isopure drinks. I like the grape better than the fruit punch, but think once I water them down, they'll be ok. I also tried a new brand of shake, Orgain (I only tried the chocolate). All of this stuff is super expensive (cheaper if I order in bulk from Amazon), but I need to boost my protein without boosting calories significantly.

I've got to snap out of my "meh" ness. I've been slacking in almost every area of my life, except work. I haven't been getting enough water. I haven't been taking my vitamins or my Synthroid. My apartment is tidy enough...but could be cleaner. All I feel like doing is sitting on my couch frowning that Food Network is showing the same thing I've seen 3 times today already.

Ironically, I've been kicking ass at work. I've been adjusting really well into my new role, and my new group. My manager is really interested in working with me on development, and I am hopeful that there is room for growth somewhere down the line. At the night job, I've been working all of my shifts, and trying to be smart with that income. I've committed myself to paying off all of my credit card debt by June 2011, along with a few other big-ish ticket items by September (my cruise, which will be uber expensive, finishing decorating my apartment, a shorter trip to LA, and of course BOOBS!). I decided I want to buy an apartment in a few years, so there's some serious groundwork to be laid.

Can one of the local NYC bandsters come give me a big kick in the ass!!!

I'm in a funk...

I haven't blogged this week, nor have I commented too much because I'm in a funk (been reading faithfully as always, tho!) I am feeling all blah. It's definitely affecting my eating/loss (what a shocker..) I weighed 236.4 yesterday and was so bummed about it, I didn't blog, or update my ticker...(I will do that after I post this). I've been going back and forth between 232 and 236 for about 2 months now. Most of the blame for that lies with me...I am definitely eating too much, and too much of THAT is bad stuff. I'm also not doing ANY exercise.

I just can't seem to find motivation. I look in the mirror, and while I'm happy with the progress I've made, I see how far I have to go. You'd think that would do it...but nope. I still don't get off my butt to go to the gym at work...or to activate my unlimited month of Bikram...or do anything active, really. Part of it is lack of free time (working 2 jobs leaves me precious little of that), but that's not an excuse. Plenty of people have busy lives, and manage to include exercise. That just tells me that they WANT it, so they make it happen. How do I make myself want it?

I have an appt for another fill on the 29th, which I think might help with the eating a bit. I don't want to be so tight that I can't eat anything, but I feel like I can eat anything these days. I know the onus is on me to really pay attention to whether or not I'm actually hungry, and to not eat if I'm not...so I need to do better with that too. I also want to ask Dr K about my port...it has been feeling super sore lately.

My cruise leaves 5 months from tomorrow. I had visions of being either at goal, or at least 100 lbs down by then. That's clearly not going to happen, unless I lose a leg or something :) Here's just hoping I have made a bit more progress by then, since I'll hit my one year bandiversary on the cruise (specifically in Marseilles, I think!)

Any care to share what motivates you when you hit a slump?? I need some help here.

Back in the Right Direction!!!

Been a busy week for me, so I haven't had much time to blog. (OK, I've actually just been super lazy...!)

This morning's weight was 232.8, so it's a relief to see the scale moving in the right direction again. Still have a couple of pounds to get rid of before being back to my lowest low, but I am confident that I can get there soon.

I had an appt with Dr. K yesterday, and she said my port is a little flipped, and that since it's close to my rib cage, as I've lost weight it's shifted a little. As long as there are no further issues accessing it, then she doesn't see any problems, but I guess it's something we'll monitor. Since I had lost 2 lbs since my tweak last week, we didn't do a fill yesterday and will re-visit at my appt at the end of the month.

I didn't really think I needed a fill, and actually only went to the appt becuase I forgot about it until my Outlook reminded me about 20 minutes beforehand! I thought it would be rude to cancel on such short notice, so off I went.

I still haven't started Bikram. I was starting to think I bit off more than I could chew, but a friend who goes to the same studio offered to come with me for my first time. We're working on scheduling that (my life is basically a scheduling NIGHTMARE). So hopefully in the next few weeks we'll go, and I'll get my azz moving again. I did take the step of calling the gym here at work and requesting their class schedule (I know, such a huge step, right... *rolls eyes*) I have dutifully pinned it to my bulletin board, so now it's a question of getting my butt over to the building it's in across the street and GOING.

I guess that's all for me. I'm boring this week. Maybe something exciting will happen over the weekend for me to blog about!!! LOL. Hope everyone is having a great week!

Weekly Weigh-In and Tweak!

This week's weight was holding "strong" at 235.6, same as last week. I know it's because of the unfill, and Gaspar reassured me that he had a 1cc unfill once and gained 11 pounds in a week. I felt a bit better. So I decided I needed an emergency tweak, and went in yesterday for a bump of .25. Now I'm at 7.25cc...I was ok at 7.2cc, but had a little snackiness. Hopefully this brings me back to a good spot, and I can get back to losing.

I didn't REALLY start the pouch test yesterday - there was an unfortunate run in with birthday cake at work that killed that plan (it was soSOso good, tho...I will spare you the details..) I stuck to liquids after my fill yesterday (and even tried a new-to-me protein shake), and also mostly did them today, so I could probably count today as Day 1. Here's today's food:

2 liters of water (so far, will try to get in another liter before bed)
1 Campbell's Soup at Hand Chicken with Mini Noodles (noodles are teeny tiny rings, and I didn't see any actual chicken pieces)
1 Carnation Instant Breakfast w/ skim milk
1 venti skim chai

I'll have a cup of black bean soup for dinner in a few minutes (homemade), and another CIB later on tonight.

So far, I've already noticed that I am not having cravings...it's back to, "I'm not hungry, not hungry, not hungry...holy SHIT I'm starving!!!!" I am ok with that....I don't generally wait that long, but liquids are on the limiting side. It's also helping me get the candy thing under control...my new group at work are sugar freaks, and "require" me to have candy by my desk at all times. Of course....I've been eating it! I didn't have any of the M&Ms today, though.

I finally got some new bras...I stuck with LB for now, even though I am determined to not wear any of their clothes again (other than what I already own). I was wearing a 42DDD at the start of this, and that was really loose, so I tried 40DD and 40DDD, in a few different styles. The 40DDD is the one that fit the best (7 styles/sizes later). I am happy to report that the girls will be up high once more.

I'm off to eat my soup and watch the musical episode of Grey's. Hope everyone is having a great week!

One More Quick Question...

If you are doing the pouch test, can you drink alcohol? I am planning on starting it either Wed or Thurs, but am prob going to have drinks with a friend on Friday night. Nothing major, probably a few beers, but can have vodka or wine if that would suit better.

Thoughts?

Wine is Good...

especially when it goes on the corporate card...I tweeted that earlier...liked it so much I made it my FB status, and decided to make it my subject here ;-)

Random thoughts tonight, as I am a little buzzed. I am on a business trip, and had nothing better to do tonight in my hotel room, so I ordered 2 glasses of wine with my dinner (ate too much of the dinner, but surely did enjoy the wine!!!)

Snackies were much better under control today, but the whole weekend was out of control. I booked an emergency fill with Gaspar for Wednesday, and am going to do the 5 day pouch test after that. Need to get my ass back on track!!! Hopefully it'll take off the SEVEN pounds I've gained since my unfill.

My clothes are all starting to look kind of ridiculous. Very unflattering, since most of them are falling off of me. As we move into warmer weather, I have more options, but we are not quite there yet! I will soon be doing a "From My Rack to Yours" post. I suppose that's an NSV?

I also noticed when I got out of the shower that the dreaded hotel towel actually wrapped around me. I've always been the person who brings their own towels on vacation so that they can actually fit me...so this is a big one. (Not that I think I'll stop doing this...it's always nice to know you have a towel when staying in a room with 3 other girls!!!)

Well, that's enough buzzed rambling from me this evening...must climb into bed so I can actually be awake to catch the hotel shuttle to my company's location in beautiful Groton, CT at 8:15am. (That part actually isn't sarcasm, the area I'm in these 2 days is all along the water...very pretty. It's going on my list of places that I would consider moving to..)